I’m Todd Maguire, and I spent 27 years with the Queensland Police Service as a Detective, working across undercover operations, major crime, tactical response, counter terrorism and bomb detection.
My career saw me help dismantle organised crime networks and receive both a Certificate of Recognition and a Commissioner’s Citation — achievements I’m proud of, but they’re only one side of the story.
The other side is far more personal.
Just two years into the job, my de facto partner died by suicide on New Year’s Day 2000. Her four year old son and I found her in the garage. That moment reshaped my life in ways I couldn’t understand at the time. Within a year, I stepped into the world of covert policing under the identity “Donny Wilson,” immersing myself in dangerous criminal environments while privately carrying grief, guilt and a heart that had gone numb.
For decades I stood on the front line of humanity’s darkest moments — violent crime, suicide, fatal accidents, domestic violence and child abuse. I was the officer who knocked on doors to deliver devastating news, who held families in their grief, and who carried those moments long after the shift ended. The trauma accumulated quietly, then loudly, until it became complex PTSD. Like many men, I kept going because that’s what we’re taught to do — until I couldn’t.
Retiring from the Police gave me the silence and space to finally confront what I had spent years outrunning. Writing became my way through. My memoir, Donny: Undercover Cop with a Deathwish, is my honest account of loss, trauma, and the long road back to myself. It’s not a story of perfection — it’s a story of survival, reckoning, and rebuilding.
Today, I speak about men’s mental health because I’ve lived the consequences of silence. I use my experiences to show people they’re not alone, and I share practical guidance for navigating grief, trauma and PTSD. I also work to normalise psychological injury by comparing it to the many physical injuries I sustained playing rugby league — injuries that changed me, but never stopped me from living a meaningful life. The brain is no different.
My story continues to open conversations between men, break down stigma, and remind people that even in the darkest chapters, hope is still possible.
Biography/Memoir, Memoir, Undercover Cop, PTSD, Recovery, Resilience
About The Author
Todd Maguire spent 27 years with the Queensland Police Service – undercover operations, major crime investigations, tactical operations, counter-terrorism, bomb detection and work across the state. He helped put away traffickers, violent offenders and major criminal networks.
He’s received a Certificate of Recognition and a Commissioner’s Citation for his work infiltrating organised crime groups and helping bring more than 500 charges across major operations.
But behind the medals and commendations was a bloke carrying more than anyone knew.
Todd lived through the worst parts of humanity: violent assaults, suicides, fatal crashes, domestic violence, child abuse and the kind of grief that imprints itself onto your bones. He knocked on doors to deliver news that breaks families. He held people in their worst moments. He stood in scenes that stay with you forever.
For decades, he didn’t speak about the trauma, the drinking, the fallout, the complex PTSD. This book is him finally telling the truth; not as a polished author, but as a bloke who has lived through it, lost himself and fought like hell to come back.
He’s not trying to be perfect. He’s trying to be honest. And that honesty is the spine of Donny – Undercover Cop with a Deathwish.
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