Any mother would die for their child. She would do anything to take the pain away. In the case of suicide, the mother keeps the pain and loses the child.

On July 5, 2020 Jessica Revill took her son's agony and had to learn to live as an emotional amputee. She couldn't grow her son back. She had to navigate the world without her beautiful, funny autistic boy. 

Over the next year she went on an intense journey of grief, post traumatic growth and an investigation of the fractured health system that sees 3000 people a year die this way. 

The book is framed by Jessica's daily connection to her son who continues to guide his mother's prevention work as she finds him among the living.